Oregon Divorce Mediation Sessions: What to Expect
What goes on in a mediation session?
Typically, you, your spouse, and Matthew will be present in the same room. The normal setup is an office setting where you are seated in chairs instead of across a table from each other. Matthew that it is more conducive to a conversation because sometimes people feel that the process seems more amicable when they are not literally on opposite sides (of a table). There may be times when you may want to spread out paperwork, so just let Matthew know beforehand, and he will be happy to reserve the conference room near my office for us to use for that session.
Each session in divorce mediation tends to have a theme. For most people, those themes are:
Even if you have not done much research yet about the divorce process, you probably have a basic idea of what might fall into each of those categories. Depending on how much preparation you’ve done before starting mediation, you may even have some tentative ideas about how you want to resolve certain aspects of each theme.
Matthew believes in looking at the big picture as well as the details. He ensures that the mediation discussions stay focused on your larger and more general goals, such as:
Within each of those larger goals -- more or fewer than the ones listed may apply to your particular circumstances -- there are details to address to make the goals more likely to be achieved. When people come in with ideas about how to resolve an issue, it’s almost always a good start. Part of our job is already done. The next step is to focus on the details. The aspects that seem minor should not be overlooked, and Matthew will point out what needs to be added to your plans to make them complete and prevent problems later.
At every divorce mediation session, Matthew has a checklist to keep track of what you have tentatively decided and what needs more attention. After each session, those notes will be online for you to access securely. If you run out of time in one session, you can carry the discussion into the next session. Depending on your circumstances, some things may take a little more time or a little less time than what was anticipated, but in most cases, the entire process tends to be the same: two sessions for couples without minor children, and three sessions if there are minor children in the family.
The goal by the end of a divorce mediation session is to have resolved all or a substantial number of the questions within each of the themes. You will most likely be surprised by how much progress you make in just two hours. Matthew reserves the last ten minutes of each session to recap what you have resolved and discuss what the next session will entail. If you need to think about or prepare anything, he will tell you at that time.
Knowing what the next session will involve will help you decide when you want it to take place. In most cases, people come back approximately a week later. Depending on your schedules or what you need to prepare, you may decide that you want to wait two weeks or more. The pace is always up to you.
The same process is repeated with one of the other themes for the second session, and if you have minor children, the third session will be dedicated to the third theme and any remaining questions to be resolved from previous sessions. The order in which you do each of those sessions is up to you. At your initial consultation, Matthew will ask you what your most urgent priority is. Depending on how things have developed between the two of you in the weeks or months before you begin mediation, you may be concerned about one of those topics more than the others.
Typically, you, your spouse, and Matthew will be present in the same room. The normal setup is an office setting where you are seated in chairs instead of across a table from each other. Matthew that it is more conducive to a conversation because sometimes people feel that the process seems more amicable when they are not literally on opposite sides (of a table). There may be times when you may want to spread out paperwork, so just let Matthew know beforehand, and he will be happy to reserve the conference room near my office for us to use for that session.
Each session in divorce mediation tends to have a theme. For most people, those themes are:
- Custody and Parenting Time (for those who have minor children)
- Budgets and Monthly Support
- Division of Property and Debts
Even if you have not done much research yet about the divorce process, you probably have a basic idea of what might fall into each of those categories. Depending on how much preparation you’ve done before starting mediation, you may even have some tentative ideas about how you want to resolve certain aspects of each theme.
Matthew believes in looking at the big picture as well as the details. He ensures that the mediation discussions stay focused on your larger and more general goals, such as:
- Being sure you can afford to live as comfortably as possible
- Succeeding as co-parents
- Dividing assets
- Managing debts
- Potentially selling or keeping a home if you own your residence
Within each of those larger goals -- more or fewer than the ones listed may apply to your particular circumstances -- there are details to address to make the goals more likely to be achieved. When people come in with ideas about how to resolve an issue, it’s almost always a good start. Part of our job is already done. The next step is to focus on the details. The aspects that seem minor should not be overlooked, and Matthew will point out what needs to be added to your plans to make them complete and prevent problems later.
At every divorce mediation session, Matthew has a checklist to keep track of what you have tentatively decided and what needs more attention. After each session, those notes will be online for you to access securely. If you run out of time in one session, you can carry the discussion into the next session. Depending on your circumstances, some things may take a little more time or a little less time than what was anticipated, but in most cases, the entire process tends to be the same: two sessions for couples without minor children, and three sessions if there are minor children in the family.
The goal by the end of a divorce mediation session is to have resolved all or a substantial number of the questions within each of the themes. You will most likely be surprised by how much progress you make in just two hours. Matthew reserves the last ten minutes of each session to recap what you have resolved and discuss what the next session will entail. If you need to think about or prepare anything, he will tell you at that time.
Knowing what the next session will involve will help you decide when you want it to take place. In most cases, people come back approximately a week later. Depending on your schedules or what you need to prepare, you may decide that you want to wait two weeks or more. The pace is always up to you.
The same process is repeated with one of the other themes for the second session, and if you have minor children, the third session will be dedicated to the third theme and any remaining questions to be resolved from previous sessions. The order in which you do each of those sessions is up to you. At your initial consultation, Matthew will ask you what your most urgent priority is. Depending on how things have developed between the two of you in the weeks or months before you begin mediation, you may be concerned about one of those topics more than the others.